I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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