a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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