Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
