Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize