where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
