we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
