Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
