I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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