there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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