How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
