Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
