Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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