i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
