I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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