Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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