I just threw up on my dentist
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
