In the future we'll all be gay
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
