he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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