i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
