White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sorry my hands just texted you
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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