I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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