i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
