Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
