I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
