3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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