"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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