i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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