he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
