dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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