i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize