Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
