im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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