I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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