when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
