just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
