I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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