Umm I'm too high to move.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
