you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
my poor anus
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
