the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Found your dick twin last night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
