wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
