Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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