dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
