he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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