Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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