I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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