Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
