thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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