Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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