i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
