I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
