i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
