That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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