I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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