I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
