I think I died a long time ago.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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