I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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