I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
