All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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