im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
