I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
