First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize