Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
