He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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