I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
