worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We have started to decorate penises.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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