Yo dont text me then not text me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
