this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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