all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
