i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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