Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's never too late to be topless.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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