I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So many bounce houses so little time
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
